Horror Queen

Snakes…on a submarine.

PLOT

Luke Perry is a Navy officer that’s almost ready to retire and spend the rest of his many years with his young daughter. He’s called upon to pick up a scientist and an assistant who are working on a top secret project on an island in the middle of nowhere. Cut to Krista Allen as the scientist, who’s actually working on breeding several types of snakes to create a massive hybrid snake. Her assistant cunningly sneaks several specimens back onto the submarine, where of course they get loose. Allen offers up the anti-venom, but when it fails to work, the crew must locate all the snakes. Um and they’re being chased by the Chinese military for veering into their waters…

TRIVIA

Krista Allen previously starred in Feast.

THOUGHTS

I knew exactly how to explain this movie to my friends: It’s snakes…on a submarine…with Luke Perry. Suddenly my Facebook page was a hubbub of activity, as people came out of the woodwork wanting to know what it was called and where it came from. I have no doubt that Wal-Mart saw their inventory of Silent Venom drop by several copies. Silent Venom is one of those movies that you have to watch with friends because it’s nearly impossible to sit through alone. When you do watch it with your friends, I guarantee that you’ll have a good time.

Wal-Mart strikes again.

PLOT

Tom Sizemore leads a group of workers that clean out places and make money on the side by selling what they find. When they’re called into clean up an abandoned hospital, they think only of the profit to be made. That is until a giant rat type creature crawls out of the sewer and starts picking them off one by one. Apparently a scientist created a serum that he accidentally took and turned himself into a huge monster. The first thing he ate was a rat and now he has all the same characteristics of one. Oh and there’s a millionaire trapped in the hospital too.

TRIVIA

The making of the movie was documented in the reality show “Shooting Sizemore” and showed the actor quitting the production after filming only a few days, but then later joining the cast again.

THOUGHTS

Bottom Feeder is the perfect example of what I expect to get when I go foraging through the Wal-Mart cheapo racks at Halloween. Is this a great movie? Hell no. Was I thoroughly entertained? Absolutely and I put a lot of that on Tom Sizemore. This guy is such a great character that you can’t help but watch him when he’s on screen. There are a few really funny scenes (intentional and not) and the acting is a lot better than you’d expect. I probably won’t be whipping this one out and making my friends watch it every year, but I think they’d get a kick out of it…on the first viewing anyway.

Waited a long time to review this.

PLOT

Brad is a young boy, who spends most of his time hanging out with a “slow” mechanic named Charlie. After taking the blame for Charlie, he finds himself grounded and hanging out on the roof of his house when he sees a comet streak by. The comet is actually a space ship belonging to the Crites and they want food, in the form of humans. Brad wanders around and discovers two bounty hunters on the lookout for the Crites. As the movie progresses, Brad must work with the bounty hunters if he wants Earth to survive.

TRIVIA

Terrence Mann and Don Keith Opper are the only two characters and actors to appear in all four movies.

THOUGHTS

For Halloween I decided to review a “classic” horror movie, or at least as classic as they come in the last 20 some odd years. Critters is a movie that you’re going to like, or at least like parts of, no matter how many times you see it. Yes it’s cheesy at times and yes the special effects are pretty bad at times, but that’s part of the appeal. Every time I see Critters, I just want someone to release a stuffed animal version that I can keep on top of my television.

It’s a croc!

PLOT

Pete is an American tourist who decides to take part on a river cruise in Australia, while writing a new travel article. The group, led by Kate, has a good time until they come across two locals who basically act like jackasses. They find a boat stranded in the water and in obvious distress, but before they can do anything, something attacks their boat. The group finds their way to an island in the river, but the water is quickly rising and something attacks, kills and eats a member of the group. The two locals return and after one gets eaten, the other joins the group. They must defend themselves and hope for a way out before the island is covered with water…and before they’re all eaten by a giant crocodile.

TRIVIA

Based in part on Sweetheart, which was a crocodile in Australia that was spotted in the 1970s when it attacked boats.

THOUGHTS

If you read the Horror Queen even semi-regularly, then you know that I can’t resist cheap horror movies. That makes it bad when you consider that I run a flea market booth on the weekends and that I’m surrounded by people selling $2-3 horror movies…like Rogue. Rogue isn’t necessarily a bad movie, but it suffers from a lack of killer crocodile, being that it’s a movie about a killer croc. There are entire scenes involving the croc where we don’t get to see anything. Then there’s an ending, which left me rolling my eyes. I’ve seen a lot of movies about killer animals and this one is better than most, but that’s not saying a lot.

Invertebrates!

PLOT

Val Kilmer plays a doctor obsessed with global warming and working on a new research project in the middle of nowhere. He asks for four research students to work on the project and asks his daughter to come along. Later he changes his mind, but Evie decides to come along because she wants to spite him. The four students and their helicopter pilot arrive at the site, only to learn that everyone is dead or missing. They quickly discover that a prehistoric type of bug (actually an invertebrate) was discovered and that it’s taking over the land.

TRIVIA

Part of the newer releases from Ghost House Underground.

THOUGHTS

I literally did a little happy dance in the middle of Best Buy when I discovered that Val Kilmer was in The Thaw, which led to much laughing (from other people). I fully love him and have since The Doors, but his movies have been all over the place lately. This one was kind of just there, but I will admit that it had a few good moments. There were two times when I actually said something out loud because I found something gross or disturbing. There’s a lot in it that relates to humans, in terms of what would you do or how you would act kind of moments. Basically I didn’t expect a lot from the movie, but I ended up being pleasantly surprised because it was better than I thought it would be.

Blah.

PLOT

Soldiers venture into part of Afghanistan in the hopes of capturing a terrorist. He jumps into caves, which apparently run all across the country and decide to send a group in after him. There’s two women and the rest are men, who seem to care only about getting laid. Once they get inside, they discover that genetically engineered bats are on the loose and that scientists have trained the bats to seek out living flesh and eat it.

TRIVIA

A sequel to the 1999 flick Bats.

THOUGHTS

I have absolutely no excuse for watching this movie, except that I bought it at Big Lots for $3. A few people told me that the store had a ton of cheap horror movies, but I only found this, one with Kari Wurh and one that I already owned. The rest were bad (bad) horror movies for $6 and up, which isn’t exactly cheap. Anyway, I’ve pretty much already forgotten about Bats Human Harvest and I just saw it a few hours ago. This seems like one I’ll pass off to my dad, who loves his creatures gone crazy movies.

Not as good as I remembered.

PLOT

Rose and Christopher start worrying when their adopted daughter Sharon starts sleepwalking and having nightmares, during which she screams Silent Hill. Rose decides to take Sharon back to the town and her husband disagrees, even cutting off her credit cards to stop her. She runs into a local cop thinks Rose took the child from someone else and chases her into town. Rose swerves to miss hitting a kid in the road and is knocked unconscious, only to wake up and find that Sharon is gone. While looking for her daughter, she runs across weird creatures and a woman who tells her that Sharon is actually her dead daughter Alessa. The more Rose gets drawn into the town, the more she realizes that the woman might be telling the truth.

TRIVIA

Based on the first four Silent Hill video games, with the latest game Silent Hill: Homecoming featuring elements from the movie.

The original storyline didn’t include the father character, but was added to make the studio happy because they didn’t believe a prominently female movie would sell.

Two more movies are in the works.

THOUGHTS

I originally saw Silent Hill in the theaters and remember feeling fairly disappointed. I saw it again recently because so many people had such a high opinion of it and I have to say that I still feel the same way. There’s something about the movie that puts me off, but I can’t think of exactly what it is. At first the movie is good, but then after some time in Silent Hill, it starts falling off. I thought the movie seemed a little too long and also kind of boring at times. It did make me pull out my Silent Hill game again and play it, but that’s all it did.

What?

PLOT

Mary is a sleepwalker who just happens to love horror movies and decides to see one called The Wisher with her friends. The movie is billed as the scariest movie ever made and Mary can’t make it to the end so she misses what happens. The movie follows a creature known as The Wisher that lets wishes come true in grisly fashion. On the way home from the theater she see something following her and later wishes her father would go away, which causes him to die. As her wishes keep coming true, she realizes that the end of the movie holds the key to stopping the creature.

TRIVIA

Also known as The Wisher; Spliced was the American name for the movie.

The film “premier” of Drew Lachey.

THOUGHTS

It’s very sad, but I don’t remember this movie at all. It’s only been a few days since I saw Sliced (thanks Netflix) and I literally couldn’t tell you what the hell happened. I looked up a few reviews and they were pretty light on details so you have to forgive the sketchy plot outline. I barely remember Lachey in the movie and didn’t remember any of the other real details. It’s just your basic, forgettable made for DVD horror flick.

Easy to forget.

PLOT

Charles and his mom Mary move to a small town where they keep the secret that they’re sleepwalkers. Charles meets a girl named Tanya and falls “in like”, but also wants to drain her life force and give it to his mom. On their first date he attacks Tanya and she fights him off. A cop shows up and even though Charles kills him, the cop’s cat attacks Charles (because cats can kill sleepwalkers, don’t you know?). Charles gets home just in time to die and his mother decides to avenge his death by killing Tanya’s family and using her life force to save her son.

TRIVIA

Written by Stephen King.

Featured cameos from King, Clive Barker, Tobe Hooper, John Landis and Joe Dante.

Directed by Mick Garris who also directed several other King adaptations.

THOUGHTS

I had a thought about Sleepwalkers the other day, which is that a lot of people have seen it, but not a lot of people remember it. The one thing I remember is the scene involving corn on the cob used as a murder weapon, which was so completely unique that I never forgot about it. Other than that, I tend to forget about it. I think part of the reason is the insane logic and rules involving the sleepwalkers. It would work great as one of King’s novels, but it doesn’t translate well on screen and it makes things too hard to follow. I own it because it’s a Stephen King adaptation, but I usually forget about it.

Finally saw the whole thing.

PLOT

Sarah and her father are at a hospital because her dad is worried that something is happening to the little autistic girl. When she freaks out during a CAT scan, he decides to take her out of the hospital. The two join a security guard and a nurse in the elevator along with two others. But when the doors open, they discover that they’re stuck in the hospital. The group slowly try to find their way to help or at least others, but keep encountering dead bodies, people with missing eyes and strange creatures. It doesn’t take long for the group to realize that something is wrong and that it’s somehow tied to Sarah.

TRIVIA

The first horror movie ever made in Finland…or so says the director.

Features the rock band Lordi in starring roles as well as on the soundtrack.

THOUGHTS

I originally started watching this movie online because I couldn’t find a copy anywhere, but the movie cut out at the halfway mark and it wasn’t until this week that I saw the whole thing. The whole Ghost House Underground has been fairly hit or miss, but I liked Dark Floors…up to a point and that point is around 20 minutes from the end. That’s when the movie starts to get confusing and I wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. I thought I knew what was going to happen, but then that all got twisted around. I even had a second idea on what I thought would make a great ending and that of course didn’t happen. I wish it had a different ending, but Dark Floors wasn’t too bad.