Nov 25 2008
DON’T GO NEAR THE PARK
Damn it, my mom was right…
PLOT
Gar and Tre are a brother and sister who eat the flesh of the living and are cursed by a witch who makes them age quicker than they should. When they realize they can keep living by eating young people, they turn to cannibalism pretty hardcore. Gar becomes Mark and a few centuries later he learns that he has to have a child if he wants his sister/lover to stay alive. This leads to him walking in on Linnea Quigley wearing only a towel and somehow managing to marry her. We never see them fall in love or anything, it literally goes from the towel scene to the wedding and then her giving birth. Quigley doesn’t get a name and she’s actually billed only as Bondi’s mom. They have Bondi, who Mark has to sacrifice on her 16th birthday. Still with me? Bondi gets an amulet from her father and then makes the mistake of riding with a bunch of stoners who attempt to rape her. She calls out for her dad, holds the amulet, the van crashes and she manages to escape. Unfortunately she ends up at Tre’s house where a bunch of teenagers live and she settles in with her aunt, not knowing what’s about to come.
TRIVIA
Other titles for this movie include Sanctuary for Evil, Nightstalker and Curse of the Living Dead.
THOUGHTS
This is one of those movies I picked up cheap during the Amazon horror movie sale and for some reason my dad actually watched it before I did. Actually I forgot to change my address when I placed my order, the movies went to their house, he opened them and took a couple he thought looked interesting. Later he called to tell me what a piece of garbage this was, effectively ruining it for me. I had never seen it before so I sat down to watch it, knowing that someone else hated it. If it weren’t for that, I’m not sure how I would have felt.
One of my main complaints is that this movie doesn’t really make sense. Somehow Mark and Quigley have a sixteen year old daughter, but they haven’t aged a bit. Granted Mark’s supposed to be immortal, but what the hell’s up with Quigley? Plus halfway through the movie it shifts to focus on Bondi and she really isn’t interesting. She’s walking along and a van full of random strangers drives up and offers her a ride. After thinking about it for 3 seconds, she hops in and then is shocked that they want sex. Plus there’s a creepy scene where she starts crying for her “daddy” as they’re going to town on her. Can we say incest? Plus we already have the incest from her dad and aunt anyway.
Don’t go Near the Park has a lot of fans, probably more than I ever imagined. Unfortunately I just wasn’t crazy about it. I will say that the commentary track is great, much more interesting than the movie. Quigley mainly sits around and doesn’t say much, but the director opens up a lot about the movie and his thoughts about making it.
