Horror Queen

THE PLOT

Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) and her brother Nick (Chad Michael Murray) head off to a college football game with a group of friends including Paige (Paris Hilton), Dalton (Jon Abrahams), Blake (Robert Richard) and her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki). After camping out one night they wake to find that one of the cars won’t start so they venture into a small town for help. There they find the famous House of Wax and quite a few residents that seem awfully quiet…

FUN TRIVIA

Two of the stars in this film were on WB shows at the time; Murray on “One Tree Hill” and Padalecki at “Supernatural”.

Paris Hilton was actually cast before anyone else and was always the original choice for the role of Paige.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

How can you not like a movie where Paris Hilton dies, and not only dies but dies in a great way? Yes, I admit it, that was the whole reason I saw this movie. That and my ongoing crush on Jared Padalecki.

The movie itself is exactly what you’d expect given that it was targeted towards teens. There’s a bunch of young hot people, lots of references to sex, some drinking and a whole lot of deaths. Some of those deaths are fairly interesting and some are fairly lame. The scene where Wade’s discovered though is definitely something worth watching and I have to say that I felt a little sick just thinking about what it would have been like.

It’s at least worth a watch if you haven’t seen it before, but then again I still like Waxwork.

THE PLOT

Jennifer Tree (Elisha Cuthbert) is the Paris Hilton of this movie, with a little dog, a mane of blond hair and more publicity than she can deal with. After attending an event she’s drugged, kidnapped and taken to a house where she’s put through some harrowing things. She finds that there’s another captive in the house, Gary and the two of them work together to escape from the madman holding them hostage.

FUN TRIVIA

The movie got more publicity from its advertising campaign than anything else. After Dark was inundated with letters and complaints about posters advertising Cuthbert chained and gagged among other things. Even Joss Whedon (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) complained to the press.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

First of all, this movie isn’t as bad as everyone told me originally. There’s not a whole lot of torture scenes and you’re likely to find more gore in I Know Who Killed Me than this one. The thing that got to me was the plot twist that came along towards the middle of the movie. It was probably to be expected, but I wasn’t looking for a twist so it was a nice treat and you know how I feel about little treats. This was at least better than what I expected given that Cuthbert isn’t the best actress around.

THE PLOT

The film centers on a small group of residents in a New York City apartment complex that just learned they were evicted. A bunch of rats are running loose through the city carrying a strange virus that they’re passing to humans. Clutch is the main character and a former boxer who just wants his daughter to come home safely from overseas where she’s been serving her country. The rest of the residents are equally excited about her return, but when the rats attack they also have to be concerned with saving themselves.

FUN TRIVIA

Apparently the director needed to cast these movies quickly and ended up using friends and friends of friends to fill the roles. Since he was working with very little money the cast did this as a favor and none were paid initially for their roles.

Released as part of the After Dark Horror Fest in 2007.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

I actually didn’t like Mulberry Street the first time I saw it, but on the second viewing it got a little better. I wasn’t crazy about the ending, which actually pissed me off. Too many people who have seen it focus too much on the rats and the virus and completely disregard the main characters, which are the real heart of the movie. This isn’t so much about some mysterious virus as it is what happens to people when they’re placed in an impossible situation. Do you fight for yourself or do you fight for the people you love? That’s the central question at the heart of Mulberry Street.

THE PLOT

Barbara and her brother Johnny are stopping to see their father’s grave when they notice a man acting funny. The man is actually a zombie who attacks her brother and Barbara runs to an abandoned farmhouse for shelter. There she encounters Ben who not only saves her life, but helps her recover from her shock. As the zombies continue to attack, they find a small group of survivors still alive in the basement of the house. The small group has to band together to stay alive until help can arrive.

FUN TRIVIA

All that blood you see is actually chocolate syrup.

Pay close attention and you’ll notice that at no point do any of the characters refer to the zombies as “zombies”.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

Look, I’m not going to write a paper here and talk about the social impact of this movie or how it was used as propaganda. I’m also not going to say anything about the movie acting as social commentary for the things going on at the time because frankly I don’t think you give a damn. All I’m going to say is that this is a good movie that actually holds up well over the years. The ending still gets to me in the way the ending to Easy Rider does, kind of shocking and unexpected regardless of how many times I see it. Don’t call yourself a horror movie fan until you’ve seen this one. Then we can talk.

THE PLOT

In 1974 five friends decide to travel through Texas to visit the grave of one of their grandfather’s. Sally and her brother Franklin who’s in a wheelchair hop in the van along with Jerry, Kirk and Pam. The group picks up a hitchhiker and when that ends badly, they take a short break and find themselves in a small house. The family living there come after the group slowly, with Leatherface leading the pack.

FUN TRIVIA

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was banned in the UK as well as Australia for several years though it’s since been released in those areas.

The same production company also produced the classic Deep Throat.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

How can you not love this movie? Is there something wrong with you? I first saw the movie when I was thirteen and had the unfortunate experience of having an aunt from Texas who conned me into believing that not only was it true, but that she lived near the town. Perhaps if she hadn’t told me that lovely little gem, this movie wouldn’t have scared the hell out of me at the time.

Today the movie isn’t scary in that way, but it’s still one hell of a movie. Directors today think that we need to see absolutely everything and have buckets of blood thrown around set at all times. Guess what? You don’t actually need that and this movie should prove that little fact.

PLOT

Once again we have a recap of the last movie, like we’re too stupid to remember what happened. Then again given what a mess the last movie was, maybe some of us really don’t remember. Hoffman appears to be the only survivor left after the fiasco of Saw 4, that is until they find Agent Strahm still alive. Strahm has a whole in his throat from his “test” and is fairly bitter about the whole incident, especially when the press jump all over Hoffman calling him a hero and basically kissing his ass. While in the hospital he realizes that Hoffman must be the man taking over for Jigsaw and goes on a hunt to capture the new killer. At the same time five people are trapped together in yet another test. The group face a number of tests as they complete their mission and with each test, they lose another member, the point being that only one will eventually survive. Jigsaw’s wife also appears and is given a box by his lawyer, but we never learn what’s inside and Jigsaw himself appears in flashbacks detailing exactly how he met Hoffman and why Hoffman became his apprentice.

TRIVIA

Tobin Bell reprises his role as Jigsaw, though only in flashback sequences. Betsy Russell (Cheerleader Camp) also came back as his long suffering ex-wife.

THOUGHTS

First of all, I love me some Scott Patterson. I don’t care if he’s playing the bad guy, the good guy, the angry guy; it really doesn’t matter. One of the reasons I got so excited about Saw IV was because of Patterson and for him to come back for this one, all I can say is screw Donnie Walberg because I found me a new Saw hunk. Unfortunately he won’t be back for the next go around and even more unfortunately is that Hoffman will.

I’ve always liked the Saw movies. I remember doing my own double billing horror movie day at the local cheap theater years ago and seeing The Grudge and Saw back to back and for weeks after I was still telling people to go see Saw. I liked the sequels to varying degrees, but this one…not so much.

The people in the trap were meant to draw your attention, but I honestly couldn’t tell you a thing about them. It was even until the end that I realized Julie Benz was one of the actors and I loved her on “Angel”. Here she was just another annoying character that I didn’t care about and one I’ll probably be forced to endure in the next movie.

The problem with Saw V is that it didn’t feel like a Saw movie. Sure there were traps and even a little Jigsaw, but it still didn’t feel right. I wanted to see some great traps ala the other movies, but these felt lame by comparison. There have to be better ideas out there, maybe Lionsgate should tap some of those unknown filmmakers for ideas?

I know that this movie already has its fans and it’s already getting some quasi-good reviews online, but I suspect those are a lot of bored teenagers. There’s no reason why this movie couldn’t be as good as the other sequels, but in the end it just felt lacking.

PLOT

The Last House in the Woods opens with a family driving down the road. Everything seems fine and dandy until they crash and the husband is killed. The wife makes it to the road, while her young son runs into the woods. He sees her get brutally killed by a man just a few minutes later. The movie then shifts gears to Aurora and Rino, a young couple obviously in love. Cut to a few minutes later and you realize that the two had a fallen out and Rino is sitting on the side of the road, watching her leave. He stops to talk to her, she reiterates that things are over between them and he convinces her to get in the car and talk things through. After talking leads to sex, they find themselves assaulted by three guys on the road. Rino is tossed in the trunk and the three men start violating Aurora, stating loudly what they plan to do to her. Right then a man and woman appear and the man waves around a gun, scaring the men off. They invite the couple to their home in the woods, where things go wrong. Cue the mutant freaks, cannibalism and some fairly gruesome scenes.

TRIVIA

Originally released under the title Il Bosco Fuori.

Part of the Ghost House Underground direct to DVD releases.

THOUGHTS

I’m really surprised that I haven’t heard more about this movie because I thought it was pretty damn good. Aurora isn’t the easiest character to like, in fact she gets highly annoying at times and she never really has that growth that females are supposed to have in horror movies. She willingly sleeps with her ex-boyfriend, lets one man rescue her, doesn’t fight back and in the end, she’s saved by yet another guy. I kept waiting for her to gain some strength and start fighting back, but she never did.

The Last House in the Woods is significantly gory at times, lots of bloodshed and great makeup effects. I’m thinking of the amputation scenes, the guy with the enormous tumor on his face and one of the opening scenes. It wasn’t enough to make me look away from the screen, but it was enough to make me wince at times.

I can safely say that I’m not surprised this movie is an Italian release, at times it seems like horror movies made in the US just can’t get it right. This one does have a few problems, but I just couldn’t stop watching it.

THE PLOT

Jake Sawyer has spent most of his adult life traveling around the world as a tattoo artist. At one point he was an apprentice to a well known tattoo artist, but stole one of his designs. He begins incorporating different designs into his tattoos, believing that they all mean something and can even heal the sick. While in Singapore he steals ancient tools from a family and begins using them in his creations as well as some of their designs. Eventually he unleashes a powerful spirit that even he may not be able to stop.

FUN TRIVIA

Jason Behr has also appeared in the horror films The Grudge and Skinwalkers.

THOUGHTS/OPINIONS

The Tattooist is something of a thinking man’s (or woman’s) horror movie in that there isn’t a lot of blood and guts or murder and mayhem. Everything that happens is rather cerebral in nature, which isn’t exactly scary. The movie is also a little confusing in that it switches from character to character pretty quickly without giving you a lot of time to invest in them. A character appears for a few minutes and just as you learn their name, they’re killed off or disappear without another mention. This movie forces you to follow along closely because if you don’t, you’ll get lost. It does have a few creepy scenes, but overall it feels a little flat.