Horror Queen

Snakes…on a submarine.

PLOT

Luke Perry is a Navy officer that’s almost ready to retire and spend the rest of his many years with his young daughter. He’s called upon to pick up a scientist and an assistant who are working on a top secret project on an island in the middle of nowhere. Cut to Krista Allen as the scientist, who’s actually working on breeding several types of snakes to create a massive hybrid snake. Her assistant cunningly sneaks several specimens back onto the submarine, where of course they get loose. Allen offers up the anti-venom, but when it fails to work, the crew must locate all the snakes. Um and they’re being chased by the Chinese military for veering into their waters…

TRIVIA

Krista Allen previously starred in Feast.

THOUGHTS

I knew exactly how to explain this movie to my friends: It’s snakes…on a submarine…with Luke Perry. Suddenly my Facebook page was a hubbub of activity, as people came out of the woodwork wanting to know what it was called and where it came from. I have no doubt that Wal-Mart saw their inventory of Silent Venom drop by several copies. Silent Venom is one of those movies that you have to watch with friends because it’s nearly impossible to sit through alone. When you do watch it with your friends, I guarantee that you’ll have a good time.

Wal-Mart strikes again.

PLOT

Tom Sizemore leads a group of workers that clean out places and make money on the side by selling what they find. When they’re called into clean up an abandoned hospital, they think only of the profit to be made. That is until a giant rat type creature crawls out of the sewer and starts picking them off one by one. Apparently a scientist created a serum that he accidentally took and turned himself into a huge monster. The first thing he ate was a rat and now he has all the same characteristics of one. Oh and there’s a millionaire trapped in the hospital too.

TRIVIA

The making of the movie was documented in the reality show “Shooting Sizemore” and showed the actor quitting the production after filming only a few days, but then later joining the cast again.

THOUGHTS

Bottom Feeder is the perfect example of what I expect to get when I go foraging through the Wal-Mart cheapo racks at Halloween. Is this a great movie? Hell no. Was I thoroughly entertained? Absolutely and I put a lot of that on Tom Sizemore. This guy is such a great character that you can’t help but watch him when he’s on screen. There are a few really funny scenes (intentional and not) and the acting is a lot better than you’d expect. I probably won’t be whipping this one out and making my friends watch it every year, but I think they’d get a kick out of it…on the first viewing anyway.

Waited a long time to review this.

PLOT

Brad is a young boy, who spends most of his time hanging out with a “slow” mechanic named Charlie. After taking the blame for Charlie, he finds himself grounded and hanging out on the roof of his house when he sees a comet streak by. The comet is actually a space ship belonging to the Crites and they want food, in the form of humans. Brad wanders around and discovers two bounty hunters on the lookout for the Crites. As the movie progresses, Brad must work with the bounty hunters if he wants Earth to survive.

TRIVIA

Terrence Mann and Don Keith Opper are the only two characters and actors to appear in all four movies.

THOUGHTS

For Halloween I decided to review a “classic” horror movie, or at least as classic as they come in the last 20 some odd years. Critters is a movie that you’re going to like, or at least like parts of, no matter how many times you see it. Yes it’s cheesy at times and yes the special effects are pretty bad at times, but that’s part of the appeal. Every time I see Critters, I just want someone to release a stuffed animal version that I can keep on top of my television.

Hmm…

PLOT

Mom (she has no character name) is tired of staying home and taking care of three children under the age of 10, while her husband heads off on long-term truck driving jobs. On his most recent visit home, she begs him to stay longer and points out that he’ll miss his oldest son Jimmy’s next game. Dad (with no name either) begs off, claiming he’ll be there for the next game and that she’ll be fine. That same night, after dad leaves, Mom looses her marbles and drowns one of her children, while the others run. Jimmy steps up to the bat and tries to help his siblings escape, even as he deals with the glimpses of his “real” mom that come out.

TRIVIA

Based on a true story, in that it took elements of the Andrea Yates’ case.

THOUGHTS

Baby Blues is kind of a rough movie. It feels a little too realistic at times, especially considering some of the post-partum depression stories hitting the news. The dad is an extremely unlikable character, given what he put his kids and wife through. Then there’s the ending, which literally had me yelling at the television. It seems unbelievable, but then at the same time it’s completely realistic given what the characters were like through the rest of the movie.

Not too bad…

PLOT

A group of college students agree to spend a weekend on an island in the middle of nowhere, with a couple that plans on teaching them more about movie making. What they don’t realize is that the couple is loco crazy and plans on killing each one on screen and turning the finished project into a horror movie. Their reasoning is that horror movies are big sellers, as are reality shows so the project will work great. There’s also some stereotypical characters such as the dorky girl (played by Danica McKeller!) who everyone else picks on and the popular guy who actually likes the dorky girl.

TRIVIA

Juliet Landau previously starred on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and appeared in The Tool Box Murders.

THOUGHTS

When you buy a set of three movies for $5 from Wal-Mart at Halloween, you don’t really expect a lot, which is why Hack! surprised me. I put it on planning to watch a few minutes before bed and sat through the whole thing. It’s low budget, but there were big parts of the movie where I managed to forget about that. I found myself frequently getting caught up in the movie and forgetting about everything else that needed to be done the next day. If you get a chance, or see the set at Wal-Mart, go ahead and grab it.

Surprising…

PLOT

Madeline is a fairly pregnant young woman, living with her husband Michael. She eats organic foods, sticks to a vegetarian diet and does other “granola” things, much to the chagrin of her mother-in-law Vivian. It turns out that the couple had several miscarriages before and she just wants to keep her baby safe. She chooses to see Patricia, a midwife and their relationship is much more involved than her husband thinks. Madeline is rushed to the hospital and Patricia is by her side when the doctors try to induce and eventually she discovers that the baby is fine. On the way home from the hospital, the couple have an accident and Michael dies. Patricia realizes that the baby is dead, but Madeline refuses to deliver, instead deciding to carry the baby to term. After the birth, Patricia leaves the two alone and when she comes back, she discovers that the baby is now alive. Of course things take a darker turn as the baby has flies crawling on it, chews on her mommy and seems only happy with the taste of blood…

TRIVIA

Based on a short film released in 2006 that starred Brian Austin Green

THOUGHTS

I knew nothing about Grace, except that I read the back and decided not to buy it and then saw a trailer with my boyfriend, who really wanted to see it. On the next trip to Wal-Mart, we snatched up the movie and both ended up feeling a little disturbed (“that was…weird” is his main comment). Grace is definitely an intense movie, with some truly disturbing scenes. I found myself suddenly very glad that I have no children and am not currently breast feeding. There’s also a lot of believability in the movie and in parts that you wouldn’t necessarily expect. Grace was surprising because it was a lot better than I expected.

I recently joined the world of Twitter and basically have no idea what I’m doing. I have yet to figure out how to post links, or even gain more friends. My best friend Katy has a Twitter account that works with her NASCAR writing, the blog we run together and the massive blog she’s planning to launch next year. She currently has around 17 billion friends, which is probably an exaggeration though it does feel like that sometimes.

The point of my story (and I do have one) is that if you’d like to join me in this dark and scary world, or just see what the Horror Queen actually looks like, click the little Twitter link on the right. It takes you right to my Twitter page. Oh and if you do add me as a friend (tweet, peep, whatever it’s called), I’ll add you.

Big deal.

PLOT

Micah and Katie are a young couple in love, though we don’t really see that side of things given that they spend the whole movie barely touching each other. Weird things begin happening, which causes Micah to setup a video camera in their home where they see things moving, lights coming on and hear voices on tape. Katie starts acting weird and doing odd things, but she has no memory of them in the morning. As the ghostly activity starts ramping up, the duo realize that it’s somehow tied to Katie and that there may not be an escape.

TRIVIA

There are two different endings to the movie: one shown during a past screening and one sent out to distributors. Both are substantially different from the ending shown in theaters.

THOUGHTS

When I heard that people walked out of Paranormal Activity, I rolled my eyes. When I saw the movie and kept hearing the same thing over and over (and over again), I started to get a little pissed off. I’d really like to know where the people are who thought it was so scary because they obviously weren’t in my theater. When we left the screening full of people, all we heard were the people grumbling about either feeling ripped off, or just feeling disappointed. I take that back, there were a group of teenagers who said it was the scariest thing they ever saw. I spent the whole movie waiting for something to happen. Given the trailers of Paranormal Activity, I thought something should happen, but I just kept waiting. Oh, is something about to happen? Nope, that’s just the door shutting. Oh, what about now? No, just a picture in the attic. Paranormal Activity was disappointing, in the same way that the Blair Witch Project was disappointing: too much hype and no payoff.

Not what I expected.

PLOT

Darlene and her daughter Victoria leave behind a bad life to stay with a woman named Bea, who runs a home for abused women. On the first day Bea gives them a full list of the rules, including no drinking, smoking or drugs on the property. Victoria fits in right away, painting with Bea and helping her take care of the goats, but Darlene isn’t happy. She’s antsy, wants a smoke and wants to get out. A man shows up, looking for his ex and Bea runs him off, but not long after, Darlene discovers the poor girl beaten and tied in the barn. Before she can leave though, a police officer shows up and he just so happens to have a report on Darlene…

TRIVIA

Filmed in Canada.

THOUGHTS

Harm’s Way is a little confusing to me because there were parts that I liked and then parts that I didn’t like. The movie keeps leading you towards one conclusion and then flips it so that something else entirely happens. Usually I like a twist ending, but in this case, it felt like the ending didn’t make sense. The movie also feels a lot like a Lifetime movie, so much so that when I started looking for information, I was shocked that Lifetime didn’t make it. I’d be surprised if they don’t show it at some point during their “scary movie” marathon for Halloween.

Eh…

PLOT

Mark is a farmer living in South Africa who meets and falls for the beautiful Stacy. The two decide to get married and she abandons her own career to stay with him. The two have a fantastic life together until the day that Mark’s car flips and he dies from the accident. Mark starts appearing to her and tries to convince her that she should commit suicide so they can be together forever. After a botched attempt, she realizes that she’s pregnant. The baby is born and Mark not only keeps appearing, but she begins wondering if he’s haunting her son since the baby does weird things like watching her longingly in the bathtub. Stacy quickly realizes (well not too quickly) that she must put her past behind her to move on.

TRIVIA

Released overseas first before being released in the United States.

THOUGHTS

Originally I planned to say that I didn’t like Ghost Son, but now I’m reconsidering. It’s actually not too bad and it stars two people I like: Laura Herring (who I used to watch on daytime television) and John Hannah. The movie moves at a slow pace, which I’m typically not a fan of and I felt like I was waiting for something big to happen, just based on the description. That something big never really happens. You also have to deal with a fairly low budget and scenes of Hannah sitting by himself and brooding as a ghost, which is almost funny. It’s not great, but far from the worst thing I saw this year.